The following scenario is based on true events. Sharon, a black, female Marketing intern attended a business meeting with her white, male colleagues. On the way to the event, one of the men made a derogatory joke about black women. Sharon was livid and cursed the man out! The team arrives at the meeting. The other attendees at the meeting were impressed by the team’s presentation and how Sharon was so well prepared compared to the other members of her team.
Once back at the office, the manager congratulates the team and pulls Sharon aside to let her know he heard about the incident and believes she could have handled herself more professionally. Sharon felt attacked and unsupported. She let the manager know this and defends the way she responded and will continue to protect herself in whatever manner she deems appropriate. The manager now reports two incidents back to the school which means it is on Sharon’s permanent record.
Sharon graduated from college and attends a Marketing conference where she meets the VP of Human Resources from the company where she interned. He does not know about the past incidents and is immediately impressed with Sharon. He offers her a position in a newly created role in a new state. All is well in the world. Sharon shows up for her first day in her new position and her manager is the same man that insulted her. Sharon immediately lets the manager know that she will not be the victim of his “humor” again and she is there to do a job. Subsequently, the manager takes advantage of every opportunity to isolate Sharon and make her an outcast from the rest of the team, noting she does not work well with others. She is eventually terminated due to her performance.
There are so many ways this entire scenario could have worked out differently for Sharon. Did she put the nail in her coffin when she cursed out her teammate for his derogatory comment, or did he get what he deserved? Should Sharon have accepted the manager’s feedback or was she valid in the need to defend herself from the manager? Unfortunately, this type of scenario happens all too often where the victim is seen as the abuser. Here are my thoughts on a couple of steps that could have changed the trajectory of Sharon’s career with this company:
1) Stand up for yourself. There is never anything wrong with using your voice and letting your colleagues know something they did or said offended you. However, while you cannot control what others say, you have complete control over how you respond. In this scenario, because Sharon cursed out her teammate, she became the accused.
2) Start a paper trail. While the manager was not wrong for stating Sharon could have handled the situation differently. He was wrong for dealing with only one of the parties involved. Sharon could have reported both the employee’s comment and the manager’s response. As a student, she could have even gone to the representative from her school for support. Workplace incidents frequently go unreported to upper management or Human Resources because the victim either does not trust the process or believes the event will not be recorded. Women, specifically, are often hesitant to report incidents in the workplace for fear of being labeled emotional, sensitive, or even the popular “angry black woman” stigma. We must get out of fear of the unknown. While retaliation is real, reporting this incident could have kept the teammate from becoming a manager – at least with this company. A role he was obviously not prepared to handle. I would even have gone as far as to mention the prior occurrence to HR once I found out he was my manager.
Did Sharon have to choose to be professional vs respectful? Could she have done both? Was it fair that she had to choose? Did the team member not deserve respect since he did not give respect?
I would love to hear your feedback on this topic.
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