As we near the end of this year, and start to think about what we want next, it is important to understand areas where boundaries may have been set and maintained versus established and crossed. Boundaries reflect an individual's internal strength, acting as a barrier to safeguarding beliefs and ensuring personal safety. They serve as filters, shaping how external influences are interpreted or allowed. While it is important to understand how to establish boundaries, it is as important to understand what constitutes a boundary and that various forms of boundaries exist.
Strong Boundaries. Strong boundaries enable you to dictate who gains access. Picture a door with a knob only on the inside of the room, so those on the other side of the door cannot access the room without you opening the door for them. While maintaining a boundary to this extent may be difficult in the workplace, setting strong boundaries allows you to take care of yourself no matter what happens, where you go, who you are with, or what you are doing. The goal of setting strong boundaries is not to build thick walls around yourself, but rather to gain enough personal security and sense of self to work with others without the threat of losing yourself, smothering others by trespassing on their boundaries or being taken advantage of. Strong boundaries can be established for peers, specifically those from other departments, acquaintances, and new people you meet.
Weak Boundaries. Weak boundaries are those where you have limited control over who gains access. Picture the same door and room, except that there is a knob on both sides of the door, giving access to either party on either side of the door. It is during this time when needing space, setting limits, and determining acceptable behavior is explained. We need to be able to tell other people when they are behaving in ways that are not acceptable and know when we are not honoring the boundaries others have set. Communicate what you like and how you would like the situation to be handled. Weak boundaries can be established for direct managers or teammates and certain family members. People whose level of interaction with you may be beyond your control.
Broken Boundaries. Broken boundaries are those in which you do not have control over who gains access to them. Picture a large open room with no doors, there is no space defined and access is granted to all. Broken boundaries are present in public spaces where we cannot limit who may approach us or what someone may do to us, but it is during this time when we have the power to control how we respond or allow the situation to impact us.
The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves and others. When there are no boundaries there can be no sense of control or safety from inside or outside. When expressing your boundaries to others, it is important to focus on communication. No one knows what you are thinking. Therefore, when you are trying to communicate what someone has done and explain how it makes you feel, give a specific example. Understand that just because you tell someone what you do not like, does not mean you have properly communicated your boundary. Own the feeling. Say, "I feel." It is as important to do this for yourself as it is for others. By stating the feeling out loud we are affirming that we have a right to those feelings. We are affirming it to ourselves and taking responsibility for our reality. The other person agreeing with or understanding how you feel is not as important as hearing it for yourself and understanding that you have a right to your feelings. It is vitally important to own your voice.
The Transform Tuesdays newsletter was created to help professionals navigate the world of corporate America by overcoming the hurdles hindering them from growing to the next level in their careers, including knowing their value, using their voice, and being authentic to themselves. Special thanks to Summit Health Consulting for allowing access to explore boundaries and how they are established.
During her 15 years as a corporate accountant in PE-backed and privately-held organizations, Sherrika Sanders progressed through various roles from Senior Biller to Corporate Controller. She worked to develop consolidated business processes, post-acquisition financial integration, and Fresh Start Accounting upon emergence from Chapter 11, within seven months of initial filing, and successfully managed teams of various sizes within the US, Canada, and Latin America. While her years as an accountant provided much growth, it was during this time that Sherrika learned to be seen and not heard. She was constantly reminded to be proud of being the only one in the room who looked like her (especially with her non-traditional education). Sherrika felt her voice was taken. After years of no work-life balance, taking work vacations based on the company's schedule, and being expected to always be available for the needs of the company, Sherrika decided enough was enough and started the transition to find and use her voice. Sherrika ultimately resigned from her role as Corporate Controller to take a leap of faith and start her own company, Transform the GAAP (Goals Assigned Achieving Purpose), where she specializes in helping professionals understand and overcome obstacles currently hindering them from excelling in their careers. Sherrika's passion is to equip professionals with the skills necessary to thrive in any setting. If you are seeking one-on-one or group coaching, click on the following link for a complimentary consultation to learn how you can work with Sherrika to Transform the GAAP together. Sherrika believes in a judgment-free zone where all are contributors working towards a common goal. Visit https://www.transformthegaap.com/ to learn more.
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